Research indicates that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) such as abuse, neglect, parental conflict, separation, or mental illness can significantly impact a person's health, wellbeing, and life opportunities. However, it's not the trauma itself, but how an individual responds to it—mentally, physically, and emotionally—that causes harm. These subconscious responses can affect the nervous, immune, sensory, and hormonal systems, even altering DNA. As many early traumas are relational, they also affect attachment security and future relationships.
Statistically around 50% of the population1 have experienced one or more ACES. This means that trauma is walking through our doors every single day. Are we equipped to support these children, young people or adults on their healing journey?
Noticing signs of trauma
Supporting a person’s healing starts with recognising the signs of trauma. Trauma often triggers a survival response, such as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In fight, there may be aggression, while flight can bring restlessness, agitation, and heightened sensitivity to stimuli. A freeze state may lead to withdrawal, and in fawn, a person may ignore their own needs. In survival states, one is likely to be hypervigilant and very uncomfortable in certain environments. If we try to talk to them, they may be unable to process what we say or be very sensitive to rejection and shame.
Felt safety is crucial before healing can begin. In response to perceived threats, the nervous system forms protective trauma responses, which help individuals feel safer. However, these can affect how they engage with activities, relate to others, and see themselves, including their relationship with God. Unhealthy coping patterns, formed to seek safety, can make establishing relational security more difficult.
As compassionate Christians seeking to follow the example of Jesus, many of us are reaching out to help heal hurting and ‘broken’ people. Upskilling and learning to adapt our approach are vital to make our support count. Offering appropriately informed support, backed up by prayer, will foster healing. However, let us not be too quick to offer to pray with them.
What can we do?
Consider your environment
It is important to recognise that our environments can be a trigger to past distress, reigniting very vivid uncomfortable or distressing bodily responses. Church environments can be very sensory demanding so pay attention to lighting, textures, noises and even smells. Look to provide predictable, uncluttered spaces, and reduce sensory demands. Creating a nurturing sensory environment goes a long way to calming distressed nervous systems. Why not create a separate space in your setting which could be available for those who need specific calming or de-escalation when in survival mode? This could include soft lighting, steady, calming music, fluffy cushions, a sensory box with different textured fidget items. Spending time in this space can prepare people of all ages to chat about what is bothering them, creating space to heal and recover.
Create safety plans
Safety plans are written plans personalised to an individual at risk of distress or harm. It may include a list of things that trigger their survival responses, warning signs that others should look out for (such as withdrawing, aggression, or stealing sharp objects) and a list of supportive actions. These could include spending a few minutes doing some calming breathing, sitting in a comfy chair stroking a fluffy cushion, listening to soothing music, or eating something chewy – chewy foods are said to be calming.2 When creating a plan consider adjustments to soothe the senses and name people who are good to talk to.
Be aware of communication and interactions
Psychologist, Dr Karen Treisman says that every interaction is an intervention – no pressure then! When we observe someone’s distress It may be instinctive to invite them to share how they are feeling but that may not always be the way forward. If you are given the cold shoulder, don’t take it personally and remember that we may all have a different part to play in someone’s healing journey. You may not be the right person for them at that moment.
Four qualities we can cultivate in our communication as suggested by trauma-specialising clinical psychologist Dr Dan Hughes in his PACE model are:
Being playful: This is not about being childish but is more about keeping it light and not overwhelming. It may mean finding a way to get alongside a person by doing an activity they enjoy together.
Acceptance: It may sound obvious but coming without judgement and lowering demands really helps.
Curiosity: This is not necessarily about asking questions out loud; rather it is being curious in ourselves about what could be going on inside the person. Try and gauge when they may be ready for you to ask questions such as “I wonder if..?” “How does that feel for you?”
Empathy: putting ourselves in their shoes: ask yourself how might it feel to be them right now? Being there for them, not offering pity or sympathy, helping them feel seen and heard.
Know our limits
A key part of supporting people is knowing when and where to refer people for expert help. Christians have often made the mistake of thinking that a person with a trauma background needs nothing other than to know Jesus. Whilst we must never deny the miraculous power of Jesus to save and redeem people through the power of the Holy Spirit, it is equally important not to try and hold a person back from the expert help. If unsure, encourage them to see their GP, healthcare specialist, or refer them to emergency services where appropriate. Have ready access to qualified, trauma-specialised clinicians for those who need it, perhaps with a fund specifically available to buffer costs.
We need to know our limits and understand that more damage can be done if we try to muddle through helping someone when it is out of our depth. We could put ourselves and others at risk causing no end of safeguarding issues.
A final note…
If you are supporting people with trauma, it’s important you look after yourself too. Make sure you surround yourself with healthy, supportive relationships. Take time with God to recharge and do something that refuels you physically, emotionally/relationally and spiritually. We all need to make time to play which for some, is going to the gym, for others it’s baking or simply sitting down with a nice coffee and listening to music. Make time regularly for play in your life as it is said to release happy hormones!
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About the author
Ruth is the CEO and founder of Join the Dots charity. Its formation emerged from a growing awareness that the church needs to be more accessible to those with complicated backgrounds. They serve to equip those whose Christian ministry involves supporting people who have experienced adversity, by providing training, resources and consultation.
Ruth has been involved in church leadership for many years and had a career as an OT which included working therapeutically in a dynamic, multidisciplinary, specialist trauma therapy clinic. She has an MSc in Attachment studies, a diploma in Occupational Therapist and counselling certificates.